Think of your inner critic as the part of you that’s constantly evaluating, comparing, and judging. Sometimes, it shows up as the perfectionist voice pushing you to do better. Other times, it’s that nagging tone that says you’ll never be good enough, no matter what you do.
Here’s the thing: while occasional self-reflection is healthy, chronic self-criticism can wear you down over time. When your brain is constantly bombarded with negative messages about who you are and how you’re doing, it’s like trying to move forward with a heavy weight on your chest. That’s one reason why self-critical thoughts are so closely tied to depression.
In fact, studies have shown that people with depression often report more frequent and intense self-critical thinking patterns. The inner critic doesn’t just point out mistakes—it reinforces feelings of worthlessness, guilt, and hopelessness. And those are all hallmarks of depression.
Learning Mindfulness Techniques
Why Do We Get So Self-Critical?
Self-criticism usually starts as a way to protect ourselves. Maybe as a child, you learned that being hard on yourself helped you succeed or stay out of trouble. Maybe it was a way to cope with criticism from others. Over time, that voice can become internalized and automatic—even when it no longer serves you.
The problem? That same voice often lacks nuance, empathy, or context. It doesn’t care that you’re human and doing your best—it just wants you to be better. But better by what standard, and at what cost?
How Therapy Can Help You Quiet Those Self Critical Thoughts
The good news is, you can change your relationship with your inner critic. Therapy offers practical, research-backed tools to help you do just that. Here are a few approaches we use:
1. Cognitive Restructuring
This is a fancy term for challenging distorted thinking. If your inner critic says, “You always screw things up,” we examine that. Is it really always? What evidence do you have that contradicts that thought? By slowing down and questioning these thoughts, you can start to build a more balanced, realistic perspective.
2. Self-Compassion Practices
This is the antidote to self-critical thoughts. Instead of trying to shut the inner critic up by brute force (which often backfires), we practice responding with kindness. Imagine what you’d say to a friend who was struggling in the same way. Can you offer yourself even a fraction of that support?
Self-compassion isn’t about letting yourself off the hook—it’s about recognizing your humanity and treating yourself like someone who matters. Because you do.
3. Mindfulness and Defusion
Sometimes, the inner critic isn’t even saying anything new—it’s just stuck on repeat. Mindfulness techniques can help you notice those thoughts without getting tangled up in them. In therapy, we might teach you how to observe a thought like “I’m not good enough” without immediately believing it or acting on it. That’s where the real shift begins.
Observe and Reflect upon your Inner Critic
What If You Don’t Want to Be Nice to Yourself?
This is a real block for many people. After years of self-criticism, being kind to yourself might feel fake, weak, or even selfish. That’s okay. You don’t have to dive headfirst into self-love—just start with curiosity.
What would it feel like to respond to your pain with care, instead of criticism? Could that open the door to something different?
Final Thoughts
Your inner critic isn’t the enemy—it’s just a part of you that’s gotten a little too loud and rigid. But you don’t have to keep living under its rule. With the right support, it is possible to turn down the volume on those self-critical thoughts and create space for something more honest, kind, and healing.
If any of this resonates with you, therapy might be a helpful next step. Reach out to a Kansas City therapist to learn more and schedule an appointment. You don’t have to do this alone—and you’re allowed to feel better.
