It’s almost a cliché of therapy at this point. You’re in a session, describing a situation or event that impacted you, and your therapist asks you the dreaded question: “And how does that make you feel?” Or perhaps even worse, “Where do you feel that in your body?”
If you’ve ever been asked these questions, you might have felt confused, uncomfortable, or awkward. Your mind might have gone blank, and you suddenly find it difficult to feel any kind of sensation or emotion at all. Maybe you’re able to explain why you feel the way you do or logically analyze what’s going 
on, but taking the step to actually feel on a deeper level seems completely out of reach or wrong.
If this is your experience, you’re not alone. Many people feel disconnected from their bodies, often living deep in their heads, where it’s possible to explain, rationalize, and try to make some sense of the world. In today’s world, it’s increasingly easy to check out or desensitize ourselves to the present moment or intense emotions. You might feel you have a firm grasp on the reasons behind how you act or respond to situations, but at the same time, feel a constant sense of numbness, disconnection, or like you’re never fully present. No matter what you try or how many problems you identify and fix, that numbness doesn’t go away.
This can be scary or make you feel like there is something wrong with you, but the reality is that people often reach this point of disconnection over time, after having to survive difficult life situations where deeply feeling your emotions simply wasn’t safe. This disconnection developed as a means of protection. And it is possible to gently reconnect with your body and emotions in a waythat feels safe.
What Does This Disconnection Look Like?
While it looks different for everyone, feeling disconnected from your body can manifest in the following ways:
- Having a hard time noticing physical sensations such as tension, tightness, or tiredness
- Feeling emotionally numb or flat
- Spending a lot of time in your mind or thoughts rather than in your body
- Having difficulty identifying how you feel in a given situation
- Not feeling connected to the present moment, or feeling like life is passing you by
I’ve found in my clinical work that people who are generally disconnected from their bodies are usually really good thinkers. They can explain and analyze any situation, map out exactly what got them to where they are in life, and approach problems extremely effectively from an intellectual perspective. All of that intellectual effort exists within the mind, meaning very little time is spent attending to what is physically happening in the body. This is why, when asked to actually experience an emotion in their body, someone might be able to name it, but embodying it feels distant or hollow.
When I’m working with someone who struggles to identify with their emotions, I’ll often look for other ways this disconnection from the body shows up in daily life. Usually, this disconnect goes beyond just emotions and also includes difficulty listening to or responding to the body’s basic signals. For example:
- Not noticing or delaying the need to use the bathroom until you can no longer hold it
- Only drinking water when you notice you’ve become extremely dehydrated
- Pushing through hunger and only eating when you can’t focus on anything else or have become irritable or shaky
- Not noticing that your jaw or another muscle has been clenched for so long that it has become painful or sore
- Holding your breath or breathing shallowly without noticing
These examples can feel small or insignificant, but they point to a larger pattern of disconnection. This is also why things often don’t feel like an issue until they completely boil over and impact all areas of your life.
Why Does This Disconnection Happen?
It’s important to recognize that becoming disconnected from your body may have been your body’s way of helping you survive when things became too much. At some point, feeling your emotions fully may have felt like just too much to handle. Maybe you were told that you were being “too much,” or it was otherwise unsafe to express your emotions. In response, your body learned to turn down the intensity of your physical experience so that you could continue to survive.
This happened completely unconsciously, as your body and mind developed defense mechanisms to help you weather intense emotions or situations that did not feel safe. This can happen as a result of many different things, such as:
- Trauma: When you experience trauma, your body may not be able to process what happened in the moment. Instead, it may create distance from the experience so that you can keep functioning.
- Burnout: When you are burned out or experiencing chronic stress, you may not have the resources to attend to your internal experience. The goal simply becomes making it through the day or dealing with responsibilities. While in survival mode, deeply experiencing emotions often takes a back seat.
- Anxiety: Anxiety is extremely effective at keeping you “in your head,” attempting to plan for, manage, and deal with uncertainty. The more you rely on your thoughts to manage stress, the harder it can become to return to your body.
How to Move Toward Reconnection
The process of reconnecting with your body or emotions can be challenging because, over time, your body may have learned that feeling deeply is dangerous. As a result, returning to your body and its sensations is about building trust more than anything else. Forcing yourself to feel your emotions all at once can be overwhelming and may overload your coping resources. Starting small and letting your body set the pace allows for a gentle reconnection that feels safe.
Here are a few options for slowly introducing more connection, most of which relate to being in the present moment and noticing your physical experience:
- Breath Awareness: Simply notice the characteristics of your breathing. You don’t need to adjust the pace or depth, but rather focus on observing how you are breathing.
- Sensory Grounding: Again, the goal is simply to notice your physical sensations and sensory experiences, such as a particular smell or the feeling of your feet on the ground.
- Mindful Movement: Engage in gentle movement, such as stretching, walking, or just moving your arms and legs, and notice your body moving through space.
- Responding to Basic Needs: If it feels accessible, practice intentionally responding to signals of basic needs when you notice them. For instance, if you notice you are thirsty, don’t wait for the perfect time to drink something. As you address that signal, notice what changes.
These are hard skills to practice and can take some time. Remember, if you’re having difficulty reconnecting, it’s not because you’re doing anything wrong. Your body has learned to protect you in a very specific way, so peeling back those defenses can feel extremely vulnerable or unfamiliar.
Working with a therapist can help you navigate this process by providing a safe space to try out new tools and experiences. There are also specific therapeutic approaches that aim to increase your connection with your body and emotions.
At Heartland Therapy Connection, we would love to support you on your journey toward reconnection. If you’ve been experiencing emotional numbness or feeling disconnected from yourself, you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. Learning to reconnect can begin with small steps, taken at a pace that feels right for you.
