From a KC Therapist
I work with a lot of men in my practice, most often they are military veterans and first responders, but also they are Catholics and fathers and middle aged dudes wanting to more or less feel better. Sometimes there is a history of trauma, sometimes not so clearly. The thing they have in common, though, is a degree of confusion. Wanting to feel authentic. Frustration about how they have basically done all the ‘right’ things, what they were supposed to do, and gotten to the midway point, and feel…. Meh. Blah. Dissatisfied, or worse.
So, About the Show
I got to it a little late, but between the Instagram DM’s from my favorite people, the eruption in my group threads, and the Very Lively conversation at a recent happy hour, I could not postpone any longer. No new info here… it starts off real steamy. Like, I didn’t know I could just hop-onto-my-iPad-and-get-there-so-easily steamy. The juxtaposition of hockey being so masculine and these young guys being so earnest is one of the best. The regularness of their flirting, the uncertainty of what is going on with the other. The newness. We’ve all been there. Everyone can relate to those early days with a new maybe-love interest.
Why This Post?
I think this has thrown us collectively into a tizzy for a few reasons. For certain demographics, it’s straight up hot, and that’s one reason. For everyone, this is a super clear example of how we each contain multitudes. It is a validating experience to see onscreen people navigate the conflicting roles we all play. Heated Rivalry brings family dynamics and priorities, taking care of aging parents and what image you portray. Who are you when people are looking, and when they are not. Choices between what you love, and who you love.
In my attempt to prepare for an upcoming trivia night (I am embarrassingly and regrettably TERRIBLE at trivia), I rewatched When Harry Met Sally. Not an immediate parallel, to be sure. But what that movie does beautifully, and what Heated Rivalry is doing right now, is challenging our assumptions of what is *true*. It forces us to consider other angles, and what might be the experience of another person. What are the parts of people we don’t know
Back to the IRL Men
One of the best parts of my job as a trauma therapist is sitting with people in my office, joining alongside them while they are on their journey. That is an admittedly overused concept, but it aptly describes. We can’t be further along than we are, steps can’t be skipped to get to the end quicker. It is one of my favorite things, though, when popular culture lines up and maybe expedites some of the process for folks.
This series highlights for men (and all of us) the range of human emotion and experience. That you can do a lot of right things, be super successful by all the metrics, and still be brokenhearted, in love, behave poorly, be an a**hole, take care of people. Take care of yourself. We don’t have to pick only one role, or attempt to have only one identity. It’s not really possible anyway. Men are being asked now, more than ever, to show up as emotionally intelligent and grounded, and also to keep being a protector and provider. That is clearly a lot.
Now What?
We have an opportunity to stretch. It’s not so easy, living in the world today (duh). When I can help someone extend their thinking about their own story, their own identity, and have a more compassionate and comprehensive experience, though? That’s magic. The spaciousness that results gives room for so much more: self-care, love, new kinds of success, fathering at a new level, partnership in different ways than had been imagined.
When we do the work, we come out the other side with so much more peace. It’s not an easy path, to be sure, nor is it always onward and upward. But with the openness that therapy, Heated Rivalry, When Harry Met Sally, and countless other examples provide, real change happens. No judgment. No perfect ‘right’ path. But more authenticity and more human experiences.
If you want to explore for yourself, we’re here for you. In the meantime, I’ll be brushing up for trivia (and maybe rewatching Heated Rivalry 😉)
